mr. sandman
⌈ Monday, October 31, 2011 01:41 a.m.
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Man I do dumb shittt ffffffffffffhlaskfhlaksjealk fff hasklfhaklshih fklaklhawffgffffffffffffff

⌈ Sunday, October 2, 2011 05:10 a.m.
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I wish I didn't have the self-restraint to keep myself from drunk dialing EVERYONE :(

⌈ Monday, September 26, 2011 06:09 a.m.
⌊ Beatrice Martin - Francis
또네 잠이 또 안오네.
세상엔 많이 불우한 사람이 참 많아. 너보다도 나보다도. 아프리카 막 그렇게까지 멀리 보지 않아도 말야. 우리가 생각하는 답답함보다, 우리가 생각하는 '갇힘' 보다, 그보다 더 절망스러운 상황속에서 하루하루를 살아가고 있는 사람들. 내가 생각하는 '나의 문제들', 내가 원망하는 많은 것들을 봤을때 부러워 할 사람들. 내가 부러워하는 사람들이 많은만큼 나를 부러워하는 사람들도 많은건데. 왜 내가 원하는것만, 나한테 없는것만 늘 생각이 나는걸까? 에드한테 많이 미안하다. 미안. 미안 미안 더 좋은 친구가 되도록 노력할께. 미안

⌈ Saturday, September 24, 2011 06:35 a.m.
⌊ just about
I feel, in a lot of ways, like I wasted the last several years. Well, it is rather unclear; did I waste them away, or did I waste away? If I look back, I haven't accomplished very much. I didn't grow internally; I didn't mature. I didn't discover some part of myself that lent a new meaning to life. I found new ways to spend my time, to waste it, to occupy myself with. I learned some facts that, though in the great scope of things, are inconsequential, help me carry myself as more intelligent and learned in casual conversation. Still, none of these things enriched me, and they didn't make me a more valuable human being, and they didn't, in the end, add meaning to my life.
I used to wonder if everything I wanted but didn't have, if I didn't have these things because they were luxuries I couldn't afford. It was easy to blame, and it was easy to think that I could be everything if it weren't for any one thing, whatever that thing may be. Then, I thought, I realized, that it was a luxury to be allowed those thoughts; to be able to delude yourself, or at the very least tell yourself, that there are external factors standing between you and Everything.
I think that anyway, somewhere along, I lost the want. When I was younger, I made a lot of noise about not liking ants. In truth I didn't mind them very much, but I wanted to be different and I wanted that one thing to be mine, so I made it something that was part of me. Now, something has happened and I really am disgusted by ants. I get anxious when many of them are around, and I can't stand seeing them swarm. I told everyone who would listen, and I told myself, and then it was true. I spent so long convincing myself that I couldn't have it, that I shouldn't even try, and now I've brought myself to where I don't even want it. I don't even know anymore what it was that I ever wanted. And that must be the saddest thing.
Self-induced hypnopaedia conducted during a perpetual state of slumber. I'm really awfully glad I'm a Beta really awfully glad I'm a Beta a Beta